Couples: The breaking up of the Winships / James Thurber ; The house of mirth / Peter De Vries ; The Zagat history of my last relationship / Noah Baumbach ; 8 simple rules for dating my ex-wife / David Owen ; Audio tour / Patricia Marx ; Share our joy / Larry Doyle

The flesh is weak: Frigidity in men / E. B. White ; The New Yorker advisor / Roger Angell ; The whore of Mensa / Woody Allen ; Artichoke / Polly Frost ; My sexual fantasies / Jim Windolf ; Aristotle on relationships / Frank Gannon ; Four short crushes / Paul Simms

Children's hours: Stage fathers / Calvin Trillin ; Shiftless little loafers / Susan Orlean ; Recently discovered childhood letters to Santa / Johnny Carson ; How to lay off your kids / Carina Chocano ; Camp correspondence / Bruce McCall ; College essay / Christopher Buckley ; Inappropriate / Paul Rudnick ; The wisdom of children / Simon Rich ; Hey, look / Simon Rich

Animal crackers: Coyote v. Acme / Ian Frazier ; What to do about sharks / Bruce McCall ; All I really need to know I learn by having my arms ripped off by a polar bear / Andrew Barlow ; Animals all around us / Jack Handey ; The living dead / David Sedaris ; Talking chimp gives his first press conference / Paul Simms ; My dog is Tom Cruise / Noah Baumbach ; Aesop in the city / Yoni Brenner ; Monkey do / Yoni Brenner ; Animal tales / Simon Rich

No business like show business: Farewell, my lovely appetizer / S. J. Perelman ; Early morning of a motion picture executive / Thomas Meehan ; Hollywood in the Fifties / Garrison Keillor ; Running through the wall / Frank Gannon ; The envelope, please : a viewer's guide to the Emmys / Jon Stewart ; Theatre-lobby notices / Andy Borowitz ; Review / Patricia Marx ; Studio script notes on The passion / Steve Martin ; Why we strike / Larry Doyle

Artists and authors: Theory and practice of editing New Yorker articles / Wolcott Gibbs ; Life cycle of a literary genius / E. B. White ; Complete guide for book reviewers / Ruth Suckow ; How to tell a major poet from a minor poet / E. B. White ; The Metterling list / Woody Allen ; Without whose unfailing encouragement / H. F. Ellis ; Jack Schmidt, arts administrator / Garrison Keillor ; England picks a poet / Ian Frazier ; Settling an old score / Veronica Geng ; Unspoken O'Neill / Henry Alford ; Van Gogh in AOL / Noah Baumbach ; Picasso promoting Lady with a fan / Steve Martin ; Suitable for framing / David Sedaris ; Ideas for paintings / Jack Handey ; The knowledge / Henry Alford

Song of myself: The little hours / Dorothy Parker ; The early essays / Woody Allen ; I embrace the new candor / George W. S. Trow ; Carbohydrates / Polly Frost ; Shiksa goddess / Wendy Wassertein ; Lowering my standards / Jack Handey ; Suffering fools gladly / Andy Borowitz ; An announcement / Mark Singer ; Pledge drive / Patricia Marx ; Thin enough / Ian Frazier ; Awake / Jenny Allen

Real imitations: A visit from Saint Nicholas / James Thurber ; Intruder in the dusk / Peter De Vries ; No Kaddish for Weinstein / Woody Allen ; Rolled in rare bohemian onyx then vulcanized by hand / Bruce McCall ; Oldfinger / Frank Cammuso and Hart Seely ; The last catalogue / John Kenney ; The ethicist / Steve Martin ; Under the Provençal deadline / Bruce McCall ; Jewelers' Caesar / Anthony Lane ; Class notes / Ian Frazier ; Air pockets / Bruce McCall ; The Lonely Planet guide to my apartment / Jonathan Stern ; Ask the optimist! / George Saunders

Testaments and declarations: The diary of a lady / Dorothy Parker ; The secret life of James Thurber / James Thurber ; End of the trail / Garrison Keillor ; My and Ed's peace proposals / Veronica Geng ; You missed it / George W. s. Trow ; A man who can't love / George W. S. Trow ; How I'm going / David Owen ; A prayer / Paul Simms ; My living will / Paul Rudnick ; What I'd say to the Martians / Jack Handey ; This is no game / Jack Handey ; Proclamation / George Saunders

The great and the good: What, another legend? / Marshall Brickman ; The New York Review of gossip / Marshall Brickman ; The Bloomsbury Group live at the Apollo / Ian Frazier ; Kimberley Solzhenitsyn's calender / Ian Frazier ; Record roundup / Veronica Geng ; Babe Ruth : my teammate, my lover / Roger Angell ; Donald Rumsfeld orders breakfast at Denny's / Frank Gannon ; What would Jesus test-drive? / Jesse Lichtenstein ; Intelligent design / Paul Rudnick ; Jeeves and W. / Christoper Buckley

Explanations and advisories: So you're going to New York / Robert Benchley ; A hard day at the office / Peter De Vries ; A look at organized crime / Woody Allen ; The people's shopper / Garrison Keillor ; Seek dwellings for MX / Cathleen Schine ; Side effects / Steve Martin ; Superstring theory for dummies / Zev Borow ; Researchers say / Ian Frazier ; Brainteasers : the aftermath / Don Steinberg ; A survey of the literature / George Saunders ; Your table is ready / John Kenney ; Pre-approved for platinum / Frank Gannon ; May we tell you our specials this evening? / Larry Doyle ; Getting started / Bruce McCall ; I'm afraid I have some bad news / Larry Doyle ; How to operate the shower curtain / Ian Frazier

Past imperfect: No starch in the dhoti, s'il vous plaît / S. J. Perelman ; More, and still more, memories of the Nineteen-twenties / Michael J. Arlen ; The Pickwick capers / Bruce McCall ; The gospel of Debbie / Paul Rudnick ; 1992 house / Billy Frolick ; Further proof that Lincoln was gay / Paul Rudnick

Field notes from all over: Show dog / Susan Orlean ; The tired chronicles / Betty Berne ; Paranoid packaging / John Updike ; Conscientious consumption / David Brooks ; The end matter / Louis Menand ; The underminer / Mike Abo and Virginia Heffernan ; Model citizens / Nancy Franklin ; Space case / Anthony Lane

Personal history: The night the bed fell / James Thurber ; The huntress / Wolcott Gibbs ; One / Peter De Vries ; Disquiet, please, we're turning! / S. J. Perelman ; Confessions of a standup sausage eater / Calvin Trillin ; A Purim story / Adam Gopnik ; In the waiting room / David Sedaris

Tasteless / David Sedaris